Awhile back I went to the airport to fly on a plane. What I didn’t know that day was that I also went to the airport to interact with my biggest insecurities.
You see, in this perfect place of anonymity, I had a transformation. I saw a fork in the road in how I choose to interact with the world, with other women, and how it could be different.
By the end of this shift, I had introduced myself to another woman and we broke all the social rules. The talked, looked one another in the eyes. She vulnerably shared with me something intimate about her sex life. We had a deep connection, as sisters, and all in 10 minutes.
But that story will come later.
The question that has been on my mind lately, and that has been a driving force in my work with women’s empowerment over the years is this: why do women compete with one another?
Why are there so many women who feel like desolate islands without close woman friends?
Why do I cary judgement of other women, and of myself?
So I was at the airport, and I felt this wave of insecurity when I saw so many beautiful women, who looked so smashing, who walked with confidence, who had adorable children and handsome men.
All these women surely had big mansions, full bank accounts, passionate marriages, perfect children, a closet of awesome shoes, and did fulfilling work in the world.
I was taken aback at the depth of my feelings of inadequacy. It didn’t feel good to feel inadequate, less than, unworthy.
So I jumped aboard the, “Yeah well I’ve got THIS on you!” bandwagon. I started lifting myself back up with thoughts about how sure, she was pretty, but her nose was too big. That woman looks too pale in that color, her hair needs brushing, look at THAT woman yelling at her kids…
I heard myself say, it’s okay that you are wearing travel clothes, she is definitely very uncomfortable in those heels. At least I brushed my hair this morning… etc.
And I bet her house isn’t that nice… and she looks super depressed actually – her husband is definitely cheating on her… etc.
And it goes on. You can add your own imaginations.
I have played this game with myself so many times. You have done this. She has done this.
Well you know what. In the airport that day, I realized I’M DONE.
What if I stood at that fork in the road, the one where I was feeling the tough feelings of unworthiness and insecurity that I didn’t want to feel?
Yeah that one. I was so good at quickly diverting myself away from this place, I used to not even recognize it. I’d project, blame, discharge, distract myself with my phone…
But right there I have a choice.
What if I just hang out there, feel the feelings. Let them wash over me. Walk straight into the flames of my worst fears about myself being true. Let the emotions rise in my physical body, into the pit of my stomach, boiling into my heart, my throat…
What would happen if I let myself feel it? The shame of it?
It was about this time that my partner gave me a challenge: meet a potential client today in the airport. Tell her about your amazing webinar that empowers women. Tell her about your passionate care, the things you’re doing in the world, the mission you are on.
I felt into my throat, I felt my voice stuck. It was here that I gained self awareness to my state of intimidation.
He challenged me to play a different game. One of lifting other women UP – in my mind, with my words, actions, and intentions. He reminded me of who I am, by seeing me as the radiant woman he knows me to be.
I sat down and had a cry. I allowed myself to feel shitty. I felt guilty. I felt shameful. I felt my body receive these emotions. Many waves of emotion came, and I rode them out. Right there in the airport.
Then something magical happened. My fears dissolved. I remembered all the things I love about myself. My activist heart, my mission to wake women up to their power and radiance, my successes with past clients that changed their lives in completely mind blowing, magical ways…
All the ways I work to make women aware of their incredible radiance, their innate gifts that the world is thirsty for, their own purpose for living. I do that for work. How cool is that?!
I remembered myself. I felt the emotional content of my fears rise and then dissolve, sitting there in the airport, at the fork in the road.
I saw what my partner sees in me too. Right there in that moment I felt invincible. I loved myself, loved my bold work in the world, loved my mission to lift other women up – AND I had a partner who backed me up and believed in my best self.
I felt so fucking privileged. I felt lucky! What a shift from moments before!
I immediately turned on, and tuned in. I saw women all around me who I could serve powerfully with my gifts. Women who were so beautiful, already perfect, and yet –
I asked myself, who of them doesn’t want a better sex life, more orgasms, more passion in their work, better relationships with themselves and their spouses…
The whole airport became a playground, instead of a boxing ring.
I opened my heart to my partner’s challenge – to meet and serve someone powerfully.
I noticed a woman walk by, not sure what attracted me to her, but there was a magnetic feeling in my body. I felt a buzzy energy in my chest.
I didn’t know what I would say, only that I had to let her know I saw her. I SAW her. I walked over, said hello, and told her I just felt like I needed to sit down with her to share something.
I told her about my work with women’s sensuality and empowerment, the book we are writing, and unbelievably, she just opened right up. We spoke about some very intimate things. She shared something profound about a pattern she is seeing with her relationship and sex life.
It was amazing. I cannot explain the magic of that meeting. In 10 minutes, we exchanged intimate details, exchanged information, and I was off to my plane, floating on a cloud. I felt the true power of myself, and my care, and my mission.
I felt the power of my body to attract me to the women who need my gifts. I felt this attraction to her, and something other than rationality guided me to her. She was in a place to receive my gifts. How did my body know that?
I felt sensuality in my body when I tuned into that power. I felt my womb.
I felt the power of sacred space, when intentions are aligned with beauty and expansiveness, and service.
I felt the power of my amazing partnership, of what it is like to be fully seen by someone for the catalyst of growth that I am.
I felt so much LOVE. It was incredible, instead of feeling the judgement, shame, fear, unworthiness of an hour before – it was all so fucking gone, and replaced with focused calm.
I remembered the 3 Ps: Purpose. Permission. Playfulness.
I remembered my purpose in my life. I gave myself permission to fulfill that purpose right in the moment at hand. I felt playful and flirtations with the energies unfolding.
This is what it felt like to lift another woman up. To WOMAN UP.
So, why don’t we do it? Why don’t we lift women up?
My thought is, when we get to that fork in the road, and we begin to feel the intense fears – shame, self judgement, unworthiness – we have a collapse of integrity.
Mmm, taste that – a collapse of integrity. Notice the feelings in your body when that realization echoes. Stay with it. Close your eyes for a moment and feel your chest, your belly, your pussy.
We get so squirmy when these emotions start to visit on us, we have become so good at hiding, and distracting ourselves, that we become very disconnected from our bodies.
When we choose the fork in the road that goes left, when we push the eject button on our shadow emotions, try not to feel them, push them aside, or project them outwards – we let our integrity collapse.
We betray ourselves. And our sisters.
So… WHY? Why do we betray ourselves?
- We think feeling these shadow emotions are going to attract horrible outcomes, or that they will never go away and we will be trapped in despair, or that we will simply break down by the weight of them.
- We suffered in the past. It was hard. We don’t want to suffer again. What we forget is that we didn’t fully feel and express these emotions in a healthy way before (or ever) and we are stuck in a hamster wheel of revisiting the past.
- What we also forget is that emotions are like clouds – they pass. The painful ones and the joyful ones. They are all fleeting states, they do not define who we are.
- We have a very hard time with simply allowing emotions to exist without a story, explanation, or rational conclusion. Irrational emotions are NOT okay – and we are certainly not okay if we have them.
- Most of us have not had emotional intelligence modeled in healthy ways. We simply do not know how to emote – or express our emotions. We have seen and been witness to violent emotional discharge, but not healthy expression of hard emotions.
- We have been shown countless cultural icons of stoicism. Emotionality has been categorized as weakness. It is mature to be rational. It is immature to be emotional. Emotions are uncivilized, a sign of the weaker sex, a sign of hysteria, a condition to be medicated.
The thing is, when we don’t express our emotions regularly, when we stuff them down – they do not go away. No no no.
They ferment, and fester, and froth.
Toxicity of thought and emotion leads to toxicity in the body. We get sick. Our bodies protest, we get headaches, ulcers, reproductive issues, cancer, frigidity… and worse of all – we disconnect from our wombs, our pussies, and our wisdom. Our sensual animal goes into hibernation – our innate sexiness sleeps.
Our beautiful, radiant, feminine, wisdom centers! Where the hell are we, if we are not connected to our core? Our deepest heart longings, our biggest most profound dreams, and most radiant visions of our lives become unknown to us.
We forget ourselves. We forget pleasure.
We are like hollow shells without our connection to ourselves – without our wombs, without knowing our innate sensual nature, without pleasure, without this we feel like small shallow versions of ourselves.
So, does this strike a chord? Do you feel me!?
Do you see now, the chain of choices you make to put yourself in this prison?
Do you realize that most of the women around you feel the same way?
Are you ready to make that change?
Are you ready to OWN your fucking life, take your permission back, and step into your radiance?
Do you see that you owe it to yourself? To your sisters, to rise?
Does it feel really overwhelming, like you have to do a lot of work on yourself, improve yourself, punish yourself for awhile…
Well you do not.
What if I told you that you are already Radiant? That you can make the first choice this very moment to change the course of your life – to stand at the fork in the road and to take the path to the right, to rise towards self belief and self worth?
You can face your hardest emotions and fears. Oddly enough, fear is the only thing that gets smaller as you walk towards it.
How to Process Emotions:
- When you feel that familiar old feeling of judgement slither up, slow down and rest into it. Feel where it lives inside your body. Bring your awareness to the physical sensation of it. Breathe. Get out of your head, and into your body. Let it snake around.
- Watch what happens with the emotions, notice what is behind the judgement. Maybe you actually are judging yourself. Feeling unworthiness? Feeling inadequate? Unlovable? Move towards these feelings too – where do they live? What does your body want to do with them? Do you want to scream, cry, shake, punch some pillows, choke, gag, throw up?
- Processing your emotions in crazy ways is totally natural and healthy. It’s much healthier to emote into a pillow, than to take it out on your partner, or on other women – so go somewhere where you won’t project on others. Let your bejeebers out! Really fucking go of it!
- Now feel what has opened up inside you. Your heart is light, your body is electric, your mind is free. You no longer believe the untruths of being unworthy, inadequate, and unlovable. They are so clearly just not true.
- Now that you are clear of your ‘brain-fart’ stress thinking, you have room to expand into self appreciation. Remember the amazing ways you know how to care for yourself and others. Remember that you truly love to lift other people up. That you love yourself. You know that you can never not love yourself. Love cannot be lost after all. How cool is that – feel that deep in your womb. Love can never be lost because it’s right here always, immutable, and innate.
Now you are ready to go out there and change the world. You don’t have to be a coach to lift other women up. You don’t have to know the woman you lift up. You aren’t required to assess who is worthy and who is not. You just wake up your own light and serve.
- When you see another woman with a gorgeous pair of shoes, instead of getting competitive or jealous – you will simply lift her up and tell her how hot she looks.
- When you see a single mom in the store who is at her whit’s end with a child, instead of judging her for being a bad mother – you will simply lift her up by telling her that she is incredible, beautiful & strong.
- When you have a girlfriend who is spiraling in her victim mindset, complaining about her man, and you feel the pull to join her – you will simply lift her up and say, “I know this feels hard, I hear you. How does it feel in your body right now? Want to learn a trick I know about strong emotions…?”
- When you simply live your life this way, and commit to choosing the path towards the openings, towards facing your fears, towards feeling your emotions, towards reconnecting with your wisdom and womb, towards sensuality and pleasure – when you commit to this way of being alive, you influence and inspire every woman you come in contact with – just by demonstration. When you give yourself permission, other women will see that and they will too. It moves like wildfire in a community, because it is what already wants to happen!
WARNING! What might happen to you:
You might catapult yourself into the center of a community of strong, empowered, passionate, supportive, badass women!
You might find a boldness inside you that you never knew before, and you might make that decision, the one that seemed so difficult before, with ease and confidence.
You might quit your boring job and start a passion based business, you might take that trip you’ve always dreamed about, you might cut your hair in a bold style, or buy a sexy pair of shoes, or cut off that toxic friend… you might leave your man.
You might take ownership of your life, fully and finally. And you will see that all along the way you were competitive and jealous with other women, was really just a reflection of how you were treating yourself.
Now that you know how to treat yourself like the Radiant Lioness Queen that you are – you can expect a lot of things to go your way.
You can see that choosing the fork in the road that leads to what used to scare the shit out of you – it actually leads back to you, TRUE you. Radiant you.
You might see that you have been afraid of your own RADIANCE all this time.
G O N G .
This might make you laugh hysterically or weep uncontrollably – either way it’s perfect. Either way, it’s inevitable. You’re always coming back home, to YOU.
It’s like that Michael Jackson song, “Your Radiance is going to get you. Your radiance is going to get you. Your radiance is going to get YOU! Tonight!”
What’s your secret super power you ask? It’s simple – it is remembering you’re a sensuality expert. A Sensualista. It’s wired in. All you need to do is allow yourself permission to feel pleasure! Now you’re on your way. Go forth and Sensualize your sisterhoods. Sensualize your entire life.
Sarah Louisignau is a Women’s Sensuality and Empowerment Coach. She helps bold and creative women live the truly radiant lives they dream of, and to bridge that gap of lifesstyle with confidence . Be it a sexy connected love life with their man, a more rooted sense of self love and purpose, or a big dream of entrepreneurship and lifestyle design – Sarah uses a proven system for delivering results, fast! Her clients take a ride on the jet plane of transformation, going where they were meant to go, but with the help of Sarah acting as a spark detector and transformation doula – they reach their goals and go far beyond them, in days rather than decades. Interested? Watch this free webinar for more: http://sensual.flow.surf/