The hot-button existential crisis for many women (and men) these days is this: FINDING YOUR PURPOSE.
What’s this all about? What is the meaning of my life on this planet? What are my gifts best suited to? What are my passions? How can I make my work meaningful by discovering my purpose?
How can I be worthy of all the beauty of life if I don’t have a solid mission statement and 5 year goals?
I have been ‘searching’ for my purpose for decades now. What I’ve uncovered after all these years of looking for meaning and purpose in my life, is that people make up a lot of stuff and do a lot of stuff to feel better about NOT KNOWING.
Untruth #1: You are supposed to have a purpose.
Many women (and men) are stressing out because they haven’t discovered their True Purpose – because society tells us until we do, we are living hollow lives devoid of all meaning. Or worse yet, we are selfish and not contributing to the betterment of society.
So, are you putting pressure on yourself that makes you feel less free?
Here’s something to ponder: If something has no purpose, does that mean it is worthless? OR If something has no intended purpose, does that mean options are unlimited?
It’s a BIG leap between Purposelessness and No Purpose.
What if having no purpose meant that every day you could choose how to define yourself?
What if you didn’t need to self prescribe a list of duties to feel worthy of being alive?
If you didn’t rely on your purposefulness as currency for worthiness?
Another question: Are we actually scared shitless of FREEDOM?
Is finding purpose actually about putting a pretty hat on self limitation? A sneaky excuse we nobly cling to, to make ourselves feel important, to ease the pain of the unknown…
What if we were magically given permission to follow our lives as the rest of the living things on this planet do? To follow pleasure?
Let’s use the analogy of the pea plant. Sweet little pea plant, has inside it the genetic preposition to thrive. It just does, no Purpose brainstorming session required. It grows upwards towards the sunshine. It converts nitrogen in the soil and carbon dioxide in the air into food for itself. It grows little peas that people can eat, or that fall to the earth to seed the next generation.
Why? Because it’s cells are evolved to – and because it feels good.
Simple. Is there anywhere else in nature that you can think of where a living thing questions it’s instincts to thrive?
NO. Living things follow their instincts because they follow the good feels. The pleasure vs. pain response. Or the life vs. death response.
Watch your dog when you go out for a walk – every time, EVERY TIME – he gets excited about the same trees and the same street corners. Why? Because it feels good. You won’t see a dog moody because the monotony of his life must mean that he has not found his purpose.
Humans are NOT unlike the pea plant and the dog in this respect – we have alive in us PLENTY of neurotransmitters that navigate us daily towards what feels good. We have bodies that speak to us through these feelings of pain and pleasure all day long.
Most of us ignore them.
So what if you do find yourself arriving at a burning desire to make the world a better place, and it’s not linked to your story of worth? That sounds like a situation where nothing would get in your way of success – because YOU are not in your way.
Untruth #2: Your purpose is supposed to be hard work. You have to earn everything good in life, and it’s your purpose that fuels you.
Here’s a Big Question: Are you feeling bound to your purpose out of obligation, or are you truly inspired by something moving through you?
Do you see purposelessness or stress in an ant colony working tirelessly to maintain and feed itself? No, they follow what makes them feel pleasure, and avoid what doesn’t. It’s how nature designed them.
They don’t overthink about the value of their contributions, or weigh their own worth in light of their efforts. If they did, they would be resentful of others, and in constant state of competition, jealousy, and greed.
On the other side of the coin, people proclaim their purpose, and they dedicate themselves blindly to it, working insane hours, neglecting their health and family – in the name of something greater than them.
Could they be overcompensating for their difficulty with the unknown nature of life by proclaiming a PURPOSE, and making it into such a momentous definer of who they are, that they cannot let it go. EVER.
Could this be ruining the purity of their gifts to their purpose, with all the weight of their legacy riding on the success of it? Is there not a string attached to everything they do?
I believe we are so used to the grind, to living lives of sacrifice, of obligation, of pleasing and keeping the peace, under pressure of authority and hierarchy – that we have lost our way.
How is it a positive contribution to society to live confined within such a self-made prison?
What if it’s your right to feel worthy, express your nature, and follow pleasure?
We have forgotten how to navigate our lives from a place of ownership, of self-expression, of permission to be who we are.So every “life coach” out there is all about helping you Find Your Purpose. It’s big business, all this existential misery.
Kind of like the medical industry. Make them believe they have a problem, and then offer complicated ways to ‘cure’ the symptoms.
Does any of that even work? What’s the point?!
Ah yes, that’s the question – WHAT IS THE POINT?
“If life doesn’t have a purpose other than to feel good, if I don’t have to spend all this energy searching for MY purpose, working hard at it, then what’s my reason for being here???”
What if you weren’t required to work hard to earn your place?
What if the purpose of your life was to live according to your own wisdom and truth?
What if the purpose of your life was to stop running away from your intuition?
What if the purpose of your life was to befriend your body, to follow the pleasure response for clues to what feels good, and then do that?
What if your purpose in life was simply to be at home in your body? What if you were simply here to be ALLOWED TO THRIVE.
Just like the rest of the living things on this planet.
You don’t earn worth by doing enough, or by having a kick ass mission to feed all the starving children of the world.
You don’t have to accomplish amazing feats of altruism to have the right to feeling good.
You don’t just have it handed to you, nor do you have to do a lot of work to find it.
Don’t you think you could think and act out of greater integrity if you stepped out of this mental prison pressure cooker?
Don’t you think you would finally hear true inspiration inside you? Don’t you think you would have more bandwidth to execute very effortlessly out of this integrity within?
Untruth #3: Once you find your purpose, you find happiness.
There isn’t a fairytale ending here. One doesn’t find their purpose, and then simply cease to strive and thrive. The roller coaster never ends – there are emotions that come with living an awakened life.
There are highs when we feel confident and secure of our place in the world. There are lows when we have doubt, and feel lacking and unworthy.
There isn’t a magic coach who will transform you, or power statement that you can recite every morning that will keep you from experiencing the beauties and the horrors of life.
There is no such thing as ‘making it’.
Unless you numb out, fall into cynicism or apathy, or simply give up on life. Then you’ve made it, but not the way you used to dream about.
What I do know is this – effort doesn’t equal worth. You don’t get any closer to earning happiness by working hard for it. Or by trying to change yourself when you’re on the upside-down part of the roller coaster.
All that leaves you with is nausea and feeling angry at your seatbelt.
You have to learn to surf the flow of life. My partner and I think this concept is so essential to feeling worthy as a thriving happy person/business that he named our company Flow Surf.
Did you realize this plateau could also be sinking your love life?
- Do you keep recycling the same patterns with the men you date, always finding similar flaws that end up breaking the relationship down in predictable ways (that maybe you’re ashamed to admit?)
- Do you have this strange habit of dating men that you intuitively know aren’t a match, just so you don’t have to get real with yourself and go deep with someone (even though that’s what you desperately and secretly want?)
- Are you more comfortable with being bold, than being vulnerable? Is this why you are nailing it in your work life, but it’s this very fear that prevents you from slipping into your feminine receptive nature – that prevents you from connecting with good men?
- Have you and your partner drifted apart, and now you feel like there’s nothing left of the sex lives you once had? (Do you think it’s his job to initiate and since he’s not, you feel rejected?)