GUEST POST BY KJETIL STRAND
Ever felt like you want that pressure to release?
Have you ever been looking for that release valve?
Questing for the right tool to deal with anger and frustration?
You are right to be frustrated. You are right to be angry. Crazy shit is happening in this world. It is not fair. Believe me. It’s true…
It is OK to be angry. But know that staying entitled to being angry does not go along with transformation.
It has nothing to do with resolving matters of importance or growing as people. For that there are other options. You might not want to resolve everything. That’s fine. But for those who do, let’s explore a few distinctions together.
This might open you up to experience your power instead of being forceful. It’s a fresh and new approach when faced with unwanted circumstances. One that is generative instead of repetitive. One of leadership instead of victimhood.
Let’s look at two ways of being with anger.
#1 – Anger as the force behind an act of pushing back.
This force feels like fire. It can be directed at someone or something. It can burn.
Problem is, you are not a dragon. You will burn too. That is why you are reading this. You don’t want to burn yourself in your rage, yet you want things to change. And now you are seeking alternative ways to be alive right here.
To your own health, it doesn’t matter if you are pushing it in or pushing it out. Fleeing or attacking. It only matters to the health of the people around you. Usually we come to discover this, and become good at caring for others by keeping our anger to ourselves.
Now let’s take it one step further and discover how to care for ourselves as well. (BTW. If you are still an angry activist, please, just stop it.)
First off, realize that you don’t want to get rid of any of your energy. You are wise to feel that way.
Say you do some form of scream and shout routine, releasing your energy. Then, you are simply not right here alive with all that potential energy anymore!
To radiate and lead, you need energy. You need power. So you are on the right track with being curious about a new approach.
You want to get rid of the unnecessary suffering of anger, but you don’t want to feel powerless. Yet you don’t flow with the anger, into the unknown tacit realms, to re-emerge with newfound power and wisdom.
Instead you have been holding on or making use of this small force, or you have tried to shake it all off. Why?
Is it because you don’t want to loose access to all that force that you had a second ago? Will you feel weak without it? Or is it because you can’t be trusted with power? Do you feel safer as small and invisible? Well, fuck that.
Being an angry bitch or a complaining victim will never have anything to do with being powerful. Nor will it be about expressing radiant femininity and true leadership.
Why operate out of the idea that reacting out of anger is somehow the only way to remain powerful? Why not discard that idea? And wait for another idea to emerge?
#2 – Use sensations and mental energy beneath the ‘anger story’ as power to navigate effectively.
Your tremors are not weakness, it is about readying for real strength. That sudden stillness in your mind is NOT about not knowing, it is about opening up to wisdom. Fear and tension do not mean something bad will happen. It means you have started a reaction to the fact that something bad could happen.
Kicking off of this tension is forceful. It burns, destroys and is completely ineffective at resolving any situation. Expanding inwards and radiating outwards, while you wait.
Waiting for something fresh and new.
For a whole wave of energy to move you instead of that small linear force. Flowing like this, this is powerful.
You are infinitely more powerful from this space. You are riding the wave of transformation and you are embodying life unfolding.
Surfing your own being in this way, in service to love, you will have find the answer that fulfills the questioner. An answer so profound that the question does not still remain. And one that leaves the questioner transformed.
Now enjoy your next wave of frustration and anger. Enjoy the gift it was meant to bring. Being a powerful and radiant woman, alive and energetic – who wants to get rid of this emotional energy? Who wants to not feel into what was alive inside? …
‘Ehm, please say a little more…’
Ok, let’s talk about adjusting the activation of your nervous system. Balancing the excitement levels between your Parasympatethic and Symphatetic nervous system.
We often use words like ‘release’, ‘let go’ and ‘shake off’. Good for everyday conversation, but misleading if you seek understanding. During a traumatic event, or a sum of events that creates trauma, two things happen.
First there is loud activation, a stress response. This give you energy to fight or flee.
Second, if there can be no fight or flight, your parasympatethic overrides this activation. It sort of puts a lid on it and overrides with a relax/freeze response.
We human beings are capable of exiting the situation, without rebalancing what’s been activated. Now there is a ‘charge’ in your system, combined with the inability to surf loud emotions.
This leads to (often unwanted) circumstances, repeating the ‘being wounded’ over and over. As much as most feel this is unwanted, it is actually a great thing! Because sooner or later you might slow down, drop in and let your nervous system ‘complete the conversation’.
You realize that whatever stressor activated your response way back when, is now over. The threat has passed. There is no sense of time for this system in us, and as such it needs to ‘touch’ the charge to ‘complete the conversation’.
In our online program we have a method for entering this state and rebalancing the nervous system. We will from time to time call it ‘shaking it out’ or getting your ‘begeebers out’ – but know that there is nothing ‘bad’ in there.
We are referring to your nervous system getting back to an equilibrium. There will be less tension and an experience of revitalization. This is not because dark evil left and white blessings entered.
It is because you put one lamp back in the living room after remembering that you dragged them both into your kitchen corner back in the day. You thought, and were probably right, in that the kitchen was safer at that time.
But now it’s time to stop tripping over the living room furniture, especially if you want to discover the difference between ‘squandering’ and ‘transforming’ your emotional energies.
If you want to experience a balanced nervous system, with lights on and all systems engaged – one that makes healthy emotional responses come easily – then check out our new online course.